That means respecting them as a unique, autonomous individual. Often, couples tend to take on roles or play into power dynamics. We may tell each other what to do or how to act. Or we may speak for and about each other in ways that are limiting or defining. Essentially, we treat them as extensions of ourselves rather than separate human beings.
As a result, we actually limit our own attraction to them. Then we are no more attracted to them than we are to our right arm. Physical affection and personal sexuality vs. Affection is a huge part of how we express love. When we cut ourselves off to our feelings of affection, we tend to deaden the relationship. This weakens the spark between ourselves and our partner. Sexuality can become routine or impersonal, and as a result, both partners feel more distant and less satisfied.
Keeping love alive means staying in touch with a part of ourselves that wants physical contact and is willing to give and receive affection.
When our partner feels seen and understood, they are much more likely to soften and see our perspective as well. Noncontrolling, nonmanipulative and nonthreatening behaviors vs. Many couples find themselves wrapped up in dynamics where one acts like a parent and the other like a child.
One looks to the other for guidance then resents that person for telling them what to do. Or one person tries to control the situation, then complains that the other person is irresponsible, immature, or passive. In order for a relationship to be truly loving, it must be equal.
When one person tries to control or manipulate the other, be it by yelling and screaming or stonewalling and playing the victim, neither person is experiencing an adult, equal, and loving relationship. Now that we know the characteristics of real love, how can we take steps in ourselves to create a more loving relationship? Many of us become caught up in the fairy tale, the superficial elements, or the form of the relationship i.
That is because, while most of us think we want love, we often actually take actions to push it away. That is why the first step to being more loving is to get to know and challenge our own defenses. We may be tolerant of realizing our dreams of falling in love in fantasy, but very often we are intolerant of having that dream fulfilled in reality. Robert Firestone describes how being loved by someone threatens our defenses and reawakens emotional pain and anxiety from childhood.
For these reasons, the biggest obstacle to finding and maintaining a loving relationship is often us. We have to get to know what defenses we bring to the table that ward off love.
For example, if we grew up feeling rejected, we may feel anxious about getting too close to another person. We may not feel we can really trust or rely on a partner, so we either cling to that person or ward him or her off, both which lead to the same result of creating distance. If we felt criticized or resented in our childhood, we may have trouble feeling confident or worthwhile in our relationships.
We may seek out partners who put us down in ways that feel familiar, or we may never fully accept our partners loving feelings for us, because they threaten this early self-perception.
Again, both of these extremes can lead to relationships that lack real closeness and intimacy. The good news is we can start to break these destructive relationship patterns by better knowing ourselves and our defenses.
Why do we choose the partners we do? Are there ways we distort or provoke our partner to act in ways that fit with our defenses? How do we create distance? What behaviors do we engage in that may feel self-protective but actually push love away. Learn more about the Fear of Intimacy. Differentiation from the past influences that no longer serve you in the present.
Robert Firestone has further developed an approach to challenging old, engrained patterns and defenses, a process he refers to as differentiation. This process involves four steps:. Taking these steps of differentiation allows us to live in a less defended state in which we go after what we really want in life. Learn more about Differentiation. Many answers to why love fades can be found in understanding how and why we form a fantasy bond.
The fantasy bond is the ultimate defense against love. To avoid a fantasy bond, we should avoid the characteristics listed above but also take the following actions. Be careful. Often without eye contact, less affection due to sensory differences and little to no verbal affirmations.
Real true love really existed in the past when the real good old fashioned ladies were around which today it is a very different story altogether unfortunately. Love is not about the submission of a woman to a man, or vice versa. It is an emotion, and a choice, that affects our lives daily. If what you want is a perfect woman, you will never find it. I suggest strongly that you look within yourself and discover who you really are before you make haughty expectations for others.
It states right there in the article that love is a verb. Love, as a noun, is not an emotion per se, but an attraction, acceptance and affection towards someone or something. Hate is a type of repulsion and rejection. The elements of love require some attraction, agreement at some level and communication. The intensity of love can vary based on the level of attraction, agreement and communication. The more you communicate things both partners find positive and agreeable, beneficial and of interest, the more the relationship will flourish.
One way love can exist as in unrequited love but true love requires mutual communication, mutual attraction and shared interests with some commonality in how each view reality.
Love is indeed an emotion because I can feel it. I doubt you have really experienced to be in love. It is a feeling and an action that is from the feeling itself. You can act without a feeling, and that is not true love. Pierce, women back in the old days made love very easy to find compared to today. It is the willingness to do things and compromise for the betterment of the relationship.
It is the willingness to put the relationship above other things and remain committed to making it happier, healthier, and more fulfilling. You do this because you recognize that the relationship is already making you a happier and better person, so staying dedicated to improving it is just a no-brainier.
But true love is the willingness to work through arguments. Your desire is focused on making things better and working through the anger, hurt, or annoyance that is happening so you can get back to a happy relationship. A promise to someone you truly love has a lot of weight. Promises are an extension of trust. When someone you love promises to do something and breaks it, then they are breaking your trust on some level.
When the relationship is about you, then your perspective is all that you see. But, when you are in a relationship with someone you truly love, you value that person enough to see things from their perspective. For instance, you can see their true intentions, instead of labeling what you think their intentions are. You can also see where they are coming from and why they need or want what they do in their life, instead of judging them for needing or wanting something different than you.
When they smile, you feel happy. When they are experiencing joy, you feel joy too. When they are feeling loved, appreciated, or on top of their game, you feel good. Even if you are unhappy with yourself, you feel a sense of appreciation that they are feeling good. You value them so much that you want them to be happy in life and free from suffering. Your partner gets sick, physically or mentally. They are struggling with a life crisis that has pushed them into a different state of being.
They are struggling with finding themselves. You have similar values. In order to experience true love, your morals and values have to be aligned with those of your partner. In a word, having similar principles is a principle component of true love. Your happiness levels feed off of each other. Does making this person happy make you happy in return?
Does surprising him or her or doing favors for your partner give you a rush of joy as well? When you and your partner both have a mutual desire to bring happiness and contentment to one another, you should be happy to know that you're experiencing true love. Actively scan device characteristics for identification.
Use precise geolocation data. Select personalised content. It meets you in your mess. This quote does a great job of summing up what true love is all about. True love is not having a perfect relationship. It's not having a perfect person or being a perfect person either. True love is not about always getting along, always having the best circumstances, or always having things easy with your partner. But don't get discouraged; true love is still an amazing thing. But, it's not what it looks like in the media.
In the movies, true love looks like a person finding their perfect match. They may have a complicated time getting to the right person. But, when they do, everything is wonderful. It's usually at the end of the movie when things wrap up so nicely and you just know it's going to be smooth sailing from then on. True love doesn't look like this. If you're always waiting for someone to sweep you off your feet and never let you down, you're likely to be disappointed.
While there might be someone out there that's a better fit for you than others, there is no perfect person, and there is no perfect relationship. In real life, true love is two people who are willing to put aside their personal desires for the other person.
It means loving someone enough that you're willing to look past their imperfections. True love involves forgiving each other because no one is perfect.
It means letting go of unrealistic expectations and knowing that there will be times when your partner fails you or lets you down. And you're going to do the same thing to them.
There will be times when you'll need to apologize. True love is willing not to keep count and working to move past the difficulties. People truly in love stick it out even when things get tough. When you truly love someone, you celebrate their successes, comfort them in their losses, laugh with them, cry with them, and experience life with them.
If you listen to the words of typical marriage vows, they do a good job depicting what is required of true love: "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. These are not easy words to live by.
But this is what people truly in love do. They choose to be there and stick with it through it all. True love is an acceptance of who you are as a person.
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